The following is an excerpt from Chapter #8 of The Safety Trap, “Overprotecting Children”
What Happened
I spent a few years as the detail leader for a public figure and his family in New York City. The family had two young children, and we would often attend events that were being hosted in Central Park. After one such occasion, my team and I were escorting the family through the park as the family was walking back to their apartment. My assistant team leader (ATL) was walking point when he was approached by a frantic and near-hysterical woman. “Are you police? I can’t find my daughter.”
As any mother would be, my client’s wife was immediately engaged and asked if there was anything we could do to help. The woman told us that they had been visiting the nearby Central Park Zoo. She had been talking to a friend on her phone while her daughter walked beside her, and then—just like that—she was gone. Given the high profile of my cli- ent, we had a good working relationship with the NYPD, and they often provided us with the contact information for the mobile command center that would be overseeing the safety of the event we would be attending.
We had only just left the event about twenty minutes prior, so I knew the mobile command center would still be in position. I called the command center to initiate an Amber Alert while my ATL interviewed the woman to retrieve whatever relevant information would help the police in their efforts. Fortunately, the mother had taken some photos of her daughter while they were at the zoo, so we had an excellent physical description of her daughter and the outfit she was wearing to share with the command center. The NYPD command center immediately put out a BOLO (Be On the Look Out) to their officers.
Most missing children are found very quickly after they go missing. A child who goes missing in a grocery store is often found in the candy aisle a few rows over. A child who goes missing at a theme park will often be found wandering over by whatever attraction they find most enticing. Un- fortunately, there are other times when the outcome is far less fortunate. Given the emotional investment by my client’s wife and the uncertainty of how this particular concern would be resolved, the family decided that my client and the two children would continue home with my ATL and another one of our team members, while I stayed behind with his wife to offer whatever support we would be able to provide to the mother.
The family said their goodbyes, and since the Central Park Zoo was an easily recognizable and equally likely point of return for the daughter, we decided to retrace the mother’s steps back in that direction. Twenty minutes later, we were back at the zoo and there was no sign of the daughter. The mother was growing more and more frantic. I can’t imagine what was going through her head, but the expression on her face was that of gut-wrenching terror.
To help quell the mother’s nervous energy, we decided to circle the zoo. When we were halfway around, my phone rang. It was the police. They had found her daughter sitting on a bench on the other side of the park. She was scared but safe. The police put the daughter on the phone as I handed the mother mine. She was half sobbing and half trying to choke back her own tears as we walked toward where her daughter had been found.
I have seen a lot of reunions in my day, but that one was especially emotional. The daughter burst into tears as she jumped into her mother’s arms. I thanked the police for their help. We shook hands. The mother was hugging everyone while the daughter monkey-hugged her mother for dear life. She wouldn’t be letting go for a while.
While the mother had been on the phone, the daughter had simply wandered off. She thought she knew the way home, but then when she realized that her mother was nowhere to be found and nothing looked familiar, she tried to find her way back until she realized she was lost. She walked until she found a safe place to sit down, and then she just sat there. When her mother asked her why she didn’t ask anyone for help, the daughter gave the most self-defeating answer her mother could hear: “I wanted to, but you told me to never talk to strangers.” Then she started to cry again. Through her tears, she sobbed, “Everyone was a stranger.”
PROTECTIVE PREPAREDNESS
Children have a difficult time understanding the concept of nuance. Stranger danger is one of those catchy rhymes that both sounds good and is easy to remember, but it really does more harm than good. If your child is separated from you but requires immediate help, they need to know they have the right to participate in their own protection. What we should re- ally be saying is, “Stranger danger is a one-way street.” While it is wildly inappropriate for an adult to ask a child for help, it is perfectly acceptable for a child to ask an adult for help. The world is full of good, decent, hard- working people who will do almost anything to help a young child in obvious need. Now, if a man in a van says that he has lost his puppy and needs help to find him, that is not okay. But if your child is alone and afraid, they should know that it is okay to get help from strangers. What you do not want is for your child to have an emergency where no one they know is around to help and they don’t know what to do. How can children know which adults are okay to ask for help and which adults are not okay?
The Three Fs of Family, Food, and Flags are good reminders for where children can go to get help:
FAMILIES: Any adult with a child or young children is okay to ask for help.
FOOD: Anywhere food is being served or sold is a good place to ask for help. If a child is lost in the park and they see someone sell- ing ice cream, that adult is okay to ask for help. Those selling food are checked and inspected prior to being given a permit. If your child is ever in trouble and they don’t know where to go, run to a restaurant.
FLAGS: Flags are friendly. Anyone with a flag on their uniform is okay to ask for help. The same goes for any building that has a flag in the front yard—like a post office, a library, school, or firehouse. These are all places which can be trusted, and your child should know that it is okay for them to ask for help if they are alone and scared.
—Spencer Coursen
Copyright © 2021 by Coursen Security Group, LLC
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